Sarcasm is something that requires more qualification then your CA and BTech and all of such degrees combined. Before any of you CA people gang up and probably increase traffic on my site, let me explain that this has nothing to do with it being hard. To be very honest its easy. It is very easy for some and very very very difficult for others. The first “some” category people are the people with a few prerequisite talent and then they just developed into most sarcastic humans on the planet and others are Sheldon Coopers of the world. I can already see a few of you smiling like, yeah I don’t get sarcasm but at least I’m smart, sweetheart, sarcasm is one thin that you not get besides getting a life and getting paid and even getting laid.

Talking of the prerequisites, There are quite a few. One of them being you need to be bullied. Sad right? But understand this, as person who gets bullied a lot, even at the age of 23, I can safely tell you this, so what if you can’t punch them, a savage reply can make people literally wet their pants. So a bullied person is someone who at an early age starts learning the art of no fucks given! That my dear friends is first step to mastering sarcasm and also the ultimate truth of a millennial life. Now there are many more but, one and the most important ingredient in the dangerous life of sarcastic man is a Savage Mom!

I don’t know if this is an Indian thing or just a gujju thing; but every time I would do something mischievous, I would totally be a kid with no parents. Forget scolding me, my parents would have started a fight over who’s kid I was. And in the middle of that fight, my mom will accept me as her child and at the same time would just absolutely shatter my dad’s ego. Of course he is my child, look at his cute face and now look at yours. Lesson 1 learnt: if nothing logical come to your mind, Indian standard of beauty is an ultimate weapon.

Now, before I continue this blog, I will have to credit her for the amazing sarcastic skill that I have developed! Let me explain how! She is a Gujarati lady! Teacher! and only had one kid, so she had enough time to brush up her skills in slaying being a savage- absolute savage.

Growing up under a lady so smart and strong, you learn quit a few things, like everyone in your school knows her and most of them are scared of her. I had usually seen my mom as this loving caring, sometimes scolding me- kind of a person till she took me to her school this one time. I went with her as I had holiday at mine. So I was sitting there and chilling, everybody looking at this cute kid of their teacher and playing with him. Now suddenly that cute scene turned into some scene from bollywood where everybody is chaotically and frantically running to get back to their places. I was wondering what had happened and just then I see this scary figure enter the room and everyone’s heart sinking. To my surprise, its that human who loves me, that is wetting pants of sixty kids just by entering the classroom. Now, here at this point everyone is quite and my mom says “just look below and count the feet on you please.”

That was the first time I realized two things, one: that my mom is someone who everyone is supposed to be scared of. two: She, apart from five degrees hold another one in PHD of Sarcastic comments. Now this doesn’t stop here. There are many incidents that haven’t just made me more scared of my mom but also respect her more!

A few facts about her: She is good with quite a few languages, Gujarati, Hindi and English being the mains. She hold in total five educational degrees. She is a sister of four brothers. So she can insult you in three languages while stating the basis of it all from various subjects and sources, and by the time you can think of a comeback for the first savagery, she is on her ninth or tenth. Good Luck.

Don’t get me wrong, she is not bad. She is the sweetest human I know! She is loving caring and so so graceful. But she just knows when to use her wits to shut people up. And that is a talent no book can teach you.

Just the other day I was having a talk about Narendra Modi with my mom. I shared an article where our PM said that, “Don’t expect your kids to fulfil your dreams” A minute later I get a call saying sweetheart my dream was to get a CA degree but looking at you and your tiny brain, basic engineering is something you could hardly do. So I have never forced any of my dreams on you. I have lost months of sleep over that. Also now I play hundred different scenarios in my head before sharing something like that with her.

My mom enjoys social media a lot. Not like an average parent posting “good morning dosto” everyday, but like a new age millennial. Every other day she has some meme for my profession or my interests and she makes sure that I notice. She sends it to me on insta or tags me on it in facebook and after that also send it in the family group. So, now I have also got very comfortable sharing stupid memes with her. Just the other day I sent a meme about how mom would almost kill you for breaking a glass but when she breaks it, its glasses fault that it broke. To which she just calmly replies, “maa kitchen, maa money, maa rules, maa rocks”

“MAA KITCHEN, MAA MONEY, MAA RULES, MAA ROCKS”

So to tell you the truth, sarcasm is easy, you just need to listen to your mom more carefully. Cause any Indian mother, no matter how nice and sweet, she sure is savage!